EDCI 6235 Motivational Mentoring

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STUDENTBOOKS

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MODULE1 What is motivational mentoring and how can it make a difference?

MODULE 1A Intended learning outcomes for MODULE 1

MODULE 1B Some important differences between coaching and mentoring

MODULE 1C Activity 1: Coaching or mentoring?

MODULE 1D How is motivational mentoring different?

MODULE 1E Activity 2: What motivates us?

MODULE 1F Activity 3: Informal mentoring

MODULE 1G Activity 4: Reflections on your informal mentoring

MODULE 1H Activity 5: Why me?

MODULE 1I The importance of attitude

MODULE 1J Making a difference

MODULE 1K The process of motivational mentoring

MODULE 1L Ground rules

MODULE 1M Activity 6: Ground rules

MODULE 1N A typical mentoring meeting

MODULE 1O Activity 7: Three stage meeting model

MODULE 1P Activity 8: Using the three stage model

MODULE 1Q What have you learned?

MODULE 1R Congratulations

MODULE 2: The skills and characteristics of the motivational mentor

MODULE 2A Intended learning outcomes for MODULE 2

MODULE 2B Skills and characteristics: differences and similarities

MODULE 2C Active listening

MODULE 2D Activity 9: Being a good listener

MODULE 2E Vias

MODULE 2F Effective questioning

MODULE 2G Summarizing

MODULE 2H Activity 10: Writing a summary

MODULE 2I Below the waterline

MODULE 2J Task 1: Observations

MODULE 2K Do you have the right characteristics?

MODULE 2L Activity 11: Behaviors

MODULE 2M What have you learned?

MODULE 2N Congratulations

MODULE 3: Relationship building

MODULE 3A Intended learning outcomes for MODULE 3

MODULE 3B What is this MODULE 3 all about?

MODULE 3C Activity 12: The importance of relating

MODULE 3D Step 1: Make the first move

MODULE 3E Step 2: Build rapport

MODULE 3F Task 2: Rapport spotting

MODULE 3G Step 3: Get acquainted

MODULE 3H Task 3: Talking favorites

MODULE 3I Step 4: Be genuine

MODULE 3J Activity 13: Genuine grins!

MODULE 3K Step 5: Earn trust

MODULE 3L Step 6: Show appreciation

MODULE 3M Activity 14: Appreciation or flattery?

MODULE 3N Task 4: Feedback on relationship building

MODULE 3O Congratulations

MODULE 4: Keeping up the momentum and "letting go"

MODULE 4A Intended learning outcomes for MODULE 4

MODULE 4B Ending or beginning?

MODULE 4C Activity 15: Towards a vision

MODULE 4D The "E" triggers of motivational mentoring

MODULE 4E Task 5: Familiarization with the "E" triggers

MODULE 4F Activity 16: Bringing it all together

MODULE 4G Goodbye

MODULE 4H Activity 17: A final mentoring meeting

MODULE 4I Activity 18: An overview

MODULE 4J Congratulations!

Module 1: What is motivational mentoring and how can it make a difference?

Module 1A. Intended learning outcomes for Module 1

By the end of this module you should:

• know how motivational mentoring is a development from the more traditional forms of mentoring often used in schools to support new teachers
• understand why motivation can't be done to anyone and that the only pure form of motivation is self-motivation
• be able to describe some of the key elements of motivational mentoring and understand how it can make a difference to a mentee's professional life.
  
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Module 1B. Some important differences between coaching and mentoring

If you completed our course "An introduction to coaching" you may recall some useful activities to help you think about the differences between "coaching" and "mentoring". Read Resource 1 for further thoughts on this.
It's probably fair to say that there's no global agreement on the differences between coaching and mentoring. The distinctions become even more confusing when looking at cultural and international interpretations.

What really matters is how you see the purpose of mentoring (and coaching). It's the outcome of the process that defines the process.

The first Activity in this module will help you with your own definitions.

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Module 1C. Activity 1: Coaching or mentoring?

Clutterbuck Associates is an organization which promotes coaching and mentoring. Read the an extract from an article which originally appeared on their website, by David Clutterbuck and Jenny Sweeney about the differences between coaching and mentoring.

Having read the Clutterbuck Associates view, and Resource 1 on the previous page of this course, go to your Student book (1) and write a personal statement about mentoring.

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Module 1D. How is motivational mentoring different?

You should now be clear that, as the title indicates, this course is more about mentoring than coaching.
Here's a provocative thought: studies have shown that mentoring is not always effective in terms of improving the attitude and effectiveness of an individual. In fact, sometimes it can have a detrimental effect!

It would be easy to suggest that this is because some mentors are not very good. Unfortunately, it's not that simple. If it was, then we could select any teacher, put them though a skills training course and out would pop an inspirational mentor. And that's not going to happen!

The key to understanding the difference between more traditional forms of mentoring used in schools and what we will be exploring in this course, is the word 'motivate'.

A dictionary definition of the word "motivate" is: 'to cause [a person] to act in a particular way'.

We need to understand very clearly what it is that motivates a person to do something. By "person" we mean both the "mentee" and "mentor".

The next Activity will help you think more about this issue.

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Module 1E. Activity 2: What motivates us?

This Activity provides some background on the important matter of motivation: what makes us do what we do.
There's a huge amount of material written on the subject of motivation. This course draws heavily on some of the work of David McClelland but you may also wish to learn about other well-known theories of motivation such as those of Maslow and Herzberg.

For some a good summary of the main theories of motivation, read the article by Robin Stuart-Kotze on the Goal Setting Guide website. Click here for the article. It's quite long, so read only the theories with which you're unfamiliar.

It might be useful to remind yourself of Douglas McGregor's 'X' and 'Y' theory of management. A quick reference can be found at www.businessballs.com You can even run through a free questionnaire to see how you might rate on the 'X' or 'Y' continuum.

Although "mentoring" is not the same as "management", we would hope that motivational mentors would be happier in the Theory 'Y' zone that is about "liberating", "enabling", "empowering" and "giving responsibility".

These understandings will help you see how motivational mentoring can really help people feel good about their professional life.

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Module 1F. Activity 3: Informal mentoring

To understand what motivational mentoring is all about, you should begin by reflecting on your own experiences of being mentored and think about how people are influenced and motivated.
Consider a time that an informal mentor has influenced you. Focus on a moment in your professional career when you had an important decision to make that resulted in a fairly major change in your life.

It might have been when making a job application or accepting a promotion. Try to think of something that "turned out for the good" in the end (we all make mistakes!). Don't worry about the detail of the change – focus on the person who helped you.

Answer the three questions in your Student book (2).

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Module 1G. Activity 4: Reflections on your informal mentoring

Consider the actual behaviors that your informal mentor displayed during the time you described in the previous Activity. Then answer the three key questions in your Student book (3).
If you're doing the course alongside others, you may want to share and compare your informal mentoring experiences. You don't need to write anything down for the moment but your thoughts (and discussions) will help you with the next Activity. BACK TO INDEX

Module 1H. Activity 5: Why me?

So far you've reflected on how good (or bad!) another person has been as a mentor for you. Now it's time to think about your own characteristics and why you might be a good motivational mentor.
Think about this question: Why should anyone want to be mentored by me?

Step outside yourself for a moment and try to see how you come across to other people. Be self-critical, but not self-destructive. Focus on the qualities that you have that may help motivate others.

Go to your Student book (4) and record these thoughts.

Module 1I. The importance of attitude

Having thought about the qualities of good mentors, we now need to probe a bit deeper. Are these qualities 'skills" or "attitudes"?

The point being that nearly anyone can learn the skills of mentoring by going on a course, but how do people develop the right attitude to mentoring?

Read Resource 2, which is Charles Swindoll's take on the importance of attitude. Then think again about the qualities of motivational mentors.

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Module 1J: Making a difference

Motivational mentors don't tell people what to do. It can be argued that there are only three reasons why we do anything in our professional life:

1. because someone else forces us to
2. because we think we need to (perhaps to stay in a job!)
3. because we want to

So, as well as having the right attitude towards the mentoring process, another key element for the mentor is the ability to help people to become aware of what they want to do. An effective mentor can then help the mentee to become self-motivated.

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Module 1K. The process of motivational mentoring

The process of motivational mentoring is not complicated.
There is a beginning, a middle and an end. This doesn't mean that a mentor and a mentee cannot remain friends after a mentoring process has ended, but one of the biggest mistakes is to let the mentoring process just drift into nothingness.

Look at Resource 3, which maps out the general life cycle of a mentoring relationship. This should help confirm the idea of motivational mentoring as a finite and achievable process.

We'll look at the mentoring relationship in more detail in Module 3. Then in Module 4 we'll look at the end of the mentoring process.

For the moment, we'll begin by looking at some ground rules and sketching out the basics of a mentoring session.

At the earliest opportunity in a mentoring relationship, you should establish some ground rules that will help set some boundaries for the mentoring process.
Here's what should be agreed early in the mentoring relationship:

• How long is the "official" mentoring program going to last?
• How frequently will you meet?
• How long will each meeting last?
• Where will the meetings be held?
• How confidential will the meetings be? (This is very important to establish if the mentoring is part of a local, regional or national scheme.)
• What fees, if any, are payable?
• How much paperwork will be necessary?

MODULE1M Activity 6: Ground rules

Read Resource 4. It's a transcript of a telephone conversation taking place early in a fictional mentoring relationship.
As you listen or read, bear in mind what you've just learned about ground rules.

Then go to your Student book (5) and answer the questions there about the Resource.

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MODULE1N A typical mentoring meeting

For people who have little experience of mentoring, a common concern is just what exactly a typical mentoring meeting looks like. If you've had previous experience of mentoring, either as a mentor or mentee, you'll understand how difficult it can be to describe a typical mentoring meeting.

For some, their experience of mentoring might be restricted to vague memories of their first year of teaching. Perhaps those memories bring back fears of assessment or "being found out". Others might have had such a kind and supportive mentor that the whole thing lacked a certain rigor and was altogether too cozy.

People in more senior positions may recall some sort of mentoring provided by an even more senior colleague during their first few months in a new job. These meetings may have been much more about "how we do things around here" than about your own development.

Do you see how difficult it is to describe a typical mentoring meeting?

The next Activity will help you think this through in respect of the more advanced methods you will be using as a motivational mentor.

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MODULE1O Activity 7: Three stage meeting model

As all mentoring meetings are different, it would be wrong to stick rigidly to any particular formula. Motivational mentors should be adept at "going with the flow". That said, if you let the meeting drift too much, you will spend a great deal of time getting nowhere. It's worth reminding ourselves that motivational mentoring will include aspects of counseling, coaching, leading, supporting and facilitating. The point is, although you may use a variety of helping strategies, there must be a strand of professional rigor running through every meeting with your mentee.
One way to help ensure this rigor in each meeting is the three stage meeting model:

• Stage 1 – Exploration
• Stage 2 – Enabling
• Stage 3 – Expectations

It certainly isn't rocket science, is it?

In practice, it can become more complicated than it first seems. For example, your mentee might want to begin the conversation by listing all the things they have to do over the next few days. Is that "exploration" or "action planning"?

To help you unpick the three stages, look at Resource 5 and then answer the questions in your Student book (6). This is another good opportunity for you to share your responses with a colleague, preferably someone who is also doing this course.

Module 1P. Activity 8: Using the three stage model

Read the conversation in Resource 4 again. The mentee mentions a particular issue that they'd like to share with the mentor when they meet. Imagine you're the mentor and you're using the three stage model to plan a mentoring session on this topic, for this particular mentee. Answer the questions in your Student book (7).

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Module 1Q. What have you learned?

As you're near the end of Module 1, it's time to reflect on your learning. Have a look at the intended learning outcomes for Module 1:

By the end of this module you should:

• know about the key skills of motivational mentorsincluding: active listening, effective questioning and summarizing
• understand that in addition to skills development, a motivational mentor must develop their own characteristics
• be able to use your own skills and consider your personal attitude towards the development of other people

Go to your Student book (8) to note the extent to which you've achieved these learning outcomes, and to record any other learning that you think is important. Then e-mail your comments to your instructor.

Module 1R. Congratulations

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Module 2: The skills and characteristics of the motivational mentor

Module 2A. Intended learning outcomes for Module 2

By the end of this module you will:

• know about the key skills of motivational mentors including: active listening, effective questioning and summarizing
• understand that in addition to skills development, a motivational mentor must develop their own characteristics
• be able to develop your own skills and consider your personal attitude towards the development of other people

Before starting on this module, it's important to think about the differences and similarities between skills and characteristics in motivational mentoring.
Read Resource 6, which briefly describes the difference between skills and characteristics in the mentoring context.

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Module 2C. Active listening

Have you ever spent a whole day interviewing candidates for a job? Can you remember how tired you became? That's because real listening is a tiring and active process. Active listening is also a very important mentoring skill.
Often, when we listen to somebody, we listen selectively or ignore important signals. To build the skill of active listening you need to be able to use your ears, eyes and mind in a synergetic manner.

Have a look at Resource 7: Making an impact.

Remember...

• we never stop giving out signals
• we often forget that we are transmitting more than just audio messages
• we often don't receive the message that was originally intended
• we sometimes have poor self-awareness and understanding

By listening actively, you can make use of all the signals available to you.

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Module 2D. Activity 9: Being a good listener

To be a motivational mentor, you have to develop the skills and characteristics of an effective listener. Go to your Student book (9) and complete the listening exercise as honestly as possible.

If you're working with a trusted colleague on this course, you could print out a copy of this exercise for them from Resource 8 and ask them to complete it for you. In other words, ask them to answer the questions as they see you as a listener. Get together afterwards to compare results.

Finally, go to your Student book (10) to record your thoughts.

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Module 2E: Vias

In order to further develop listening skills, you need to focus on the speaker.
Speakers can suffer from "vias". A via is any mannerism which sends a message that conflicts with the words being said. Read Resource 9, which contains some more information on vias and how you can deal with them.

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Module 2F. Effective questioning

We have looked at verbal and non-verbal signals, and how these can conflict with one another. Effective questioning can supplement active listening as a skill enabling mentors and mentees to communicate effectively. Read Resource 10, which has some ideas for effective questioning.

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Module 2G. Summarizing

Summarizing is probably the most useful, yet often under-used, mentoring skill. The main benefits of good summarizing are that it's:

1. a means of gaining a consensus of understanding
2. a way of linking together the key points of the discussion
3. an opportunity to focus on conclusions and possible goals
4. an extremely valuable way of closing the mentoring discussion

Summarizing presents the best chance of clarifying the communication between mentor and mentee.

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Module 2H. Activity 10: Writing a summary

Resource 11 contains the transcript of an actual mentoring conversation. Imagine you're the mentor in this situation (and imagine that you're listening to the mentee's responses). As you read the transcript, think about how you would summarize what he/she has said.

Then go to your Student book (11) and summarize the key points.

If you're working with a colleague, compare your summary with theirs. What have you both mentioned? Where are there differences? What might be the reason for those differences?

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Module 2I. Below the waterline

In the first module, you looked at how important it was for a mentor to have the right attitude to the mentoring process. In his book, Human Motivation, David McClelland indicates that while we all have certain very visible skills, some of the characteristics that make us successful in our working lives are "below the waterline". They're less visible, sometimes even to ourselves.

One of the problems with "courses" is that they can sometimes focus too much on the skills development and not enough on attitudes and beliefs.

In this module, as well as developing some key skills for mentoring, we'll also consider those characteristics that are "below the waterline".

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Module 2J. Task 1: Observations

Now that we've looked at the important skills of active listening, effective questioning and summarizing, it's time to get below the surface! Have a look at Resource 12: An iceberg model. Does it ring any bells about some of your colleagues?

At your next meeting, when you're not too involved in the exchanges, observe some of your colleagues who you don't know too well. Be very discreet – don't take notes.

Thinking about the iceberg, try and work out why they might be saying the things that they do. Could they have any "hidden" anxieties? Are they driven by particular motives? Are their values different from your own? Has anyone got a bit of an "attitude problem"? If so, why might that be?

As soon as possible after the meeting, jot down some thoughts, then go to your Student book (12) and type them up

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Module 2K. Do you have the right characteristics?

Some people are fortunate enough to have the right characteristics to become an effective motivational mentor. Others may find that some of their characteristics do not fit well with the mentoring process. By getting this far on the course, you're hopefully at the right end of the "characteristics" spectrum! It's very hard to list those characteristics, as there are so many. And what works in one mentoring relationship may not work in another. Have another look at your Student book (2) to remind you of those characteristics in others that were helpful to you.

It can be argued that our deep-seated motives (subconscious) drive our thoughts, which in turn, create our characteristic behaviors.

So, to answer the question, "Do you have the right characteristics to be a motivational mentor?" you have to take a long hard look at your professional behaviors. You need to assess how you come across to other people. The problem with self-assessment is that it can be self-delusion. The best way to assess your behaviors, in order to develop the positive ones and control those with a negative impact, is to get some help from a critical friend or mentor.

The next Activity will help you come to some conclusions about your characteristic behaviors for motivational mentoring.

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Module 2L. Activity 11: Behaviors

In your Student book (13), you will find descriptions of ten different behaviors. For each one, try and write a few notes about how you think other people may see you using the behavior in your professional relationships. Start each answer with an overall assessment of how often you think other people would say you use the behavior. Choose from one of the following:

• Frequently
• Sometimes
• Rarely
• Never

Then in the space provided, give some further explanation or evidence from a recent example.

Go to your Student book (13) to complete this Activity. If you'd rather do this exercise by hand, print out Resource 13.

After you've carefully considered your answers, read the brief analysis in Resource 14.

Finally, record your reflections on this Activity by answering the questions in your Student book (14).

Module 2M. What have you learned?

Now that you've completed the Activities and Tasks in Module 2, look again at the intended learning outcomes for Module 2: By the end of this module you will:

• know about the key skills of motivational mentors including: active listening, effective questioning and summarizing
• understand that in addition to skills development, a motivational mentor must develop their own characteristics
• be able to use your own skills and consider your personal attitude towards the development of other people

In your Student book (15), note the extent to which you've achieved these learning outcomes. Note any action you'll have to take in the future. Then e-mail your comments to your instructor.

Module 2N. Congratulations

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Module 3: Relationship building

Module 3A: Intended learning outcomes for Module 3

By the end of this module you should:

• understand the importance of building trust in order to develop a meaningful professional relationship
• know the characteristics of a successful mentoring relationship
• be able to apply the six steps of successful relationship-building in order to create a positive mentoring environment

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Module 3B: What is this module all about?

By now, you should feel that you're developing a useful "toolkit" of skills and information which will help you become a motivational mentor. But the most crucial part of the mentoring process is the relationship between the mentor and the mentee. If this relationship is not formed properly, or breaks down over time, then your 'toolkit' will be of little use.
In this module, you'll reflect on the nature of collaboration and trust in professional working relationships. You'll also ask a sympathetic colleague to give you some feedback on your own professional relationships.

A central idea for this module is that professional mentoring relationships have much in common with the relationships we build in our personal lives. By exploring this parallel, we will discover some key principles of relationship building which apply in both personal and professional life.

This module draws on material from The Trusted Advisor by David Maister et al.

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Module 3C: Activity 12: The importance of relating

Begin your contemplation of relationship building by answering the questions in your Student book (16).
In building personal relationships, or for that matter friendships or parent-child relationships, we may often display the following behaviors. You may have mentioned some of these in your Student book:

• Understanding
• Thoughtfulness
• Consideration
• Sensitivity to feelings
• Supportiveness
• Encouragement
• Interest
• Sympathy
• Helpfulness

The interesting thing is that these behaviors are "relationship building universals". In other words, they're needed to build any successful relationship.

There are also similarities in how the stages in relationships are sequenced. You can see this clearly in Resource 15. It maps out the parallels between personal relationships and mentoring relationships throughout the life cycle of the mentoring process. You may want to print out this Resource as it will be useful throughout this module.

Over the next few pages we'll be looking at these stages in more detail

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Module 3D: Step 1: Make the first move

Relationships are all about reciprocity. You have to give in order to receive. The question is, who goes first?
Think how many romantic films are based around this question. She likes him, he likes her, they are constantly thrown together with soaring music in the background, but neither is brave enough to make the first move (at least, not until the end of the film!).

Luckily, it's a bit more straightforward in the mentoring relationship. At the beginning, the mentor takes the lead role. This should change over time, but to start, it's up to you to make the first moves.

Look at the "control continuum" in Resource 16. This illustrates how responsibility shifts from the mentor to the mentee during the mentoring relationship.

The first move may take many forms. It may be that a third party has already initiated the mentoring process, or that a potential mentee has approached you. On the other hand, it may be up to you to make the initial plan and present yourself as a potential mentor to your mentee. Either way, you must be confident and clear in your intentions. Just as in the early stages of a romantic relationship, you have to show that you're interested and willing to commit to the relationship and make it work.

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Module 3E: Step 2: Build rapport

Max Eggert likens rapport to a bridge between two people. For individuals on opposite sides of a river, it's better to use the bridge and meet in the middle than shout at each other from the banks. But the bridge itself is not the communication – it just facilitates it.
In order to get to know your mentee and gain their trust, you need to build a rapport with them. This is not, in itself, part of the mentoring process, but it makes the rest of the mentoring process a whole lot more effective.

The following Task should give you some hints on how rapport is built naturally in social situations, and how you can apply this knowledge to enhance your relationship with your mentee.

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Module 3F: Task 2: Rapport spotting

To begin, read Resource 17, which describes two techniques which can help build rapport.
At the next opportunity, watch two people, preferably a couple or close friends, in a social situation (or even a chat in the staff room). Look out for their physical matching – try to notice their physical movements in relation to each other.

Also, when you speak to different people over the next few days, note whether you naturally change anything about the way you speak. Does their age, mood, accent, or degree of familiarity with you affect your speech? If so, how?

When you've done your informal observations, note your thoughts in your Student book (17).

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Module 3G: Step 3: Get acquainted

If you want to help someone become motivated, you must understand what really interests them. You need to find out what makes them tick, what inspires them and what discourages them. A mentoring conversation should be tailored around the mentee. A natural response to "I think X" would be to say 'Well, I think Y!'. However, if you respond with 'Why do you think X?' you are one step closer to understanding the individual perspective of your mentee.

The word 'individual' is key. We know from rapport building that people tend to trust others who behave and speak like them. However, as a mentor you might have to go against this natural tendency and look out for what's different about your mentee, rather than assuming similarities with yourself. Do all you can to find out about your mentee's interests, tastes, preferences, likes and dislikes.

It's not only showing an interest that counts, it's actually taking an active interest. Lets take the example of a personal relationship again. Imagine you casually mention to a friend that you like a certain play. Months later, you're presented with tickets to see the play for your birthday. Wouldn't you feel special and valued?! An off-hand comment has been:

• listened to
• remembered
• used

The next Task will show you that juggling these three can be tricky!

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Module 3H: Task 3: Talking favorites

This Task should help you to extract, remember and use information in the context of an informal chat. You need a sympathetic colleague, or anyone who's prepared to spend a couple of minutes talking to you.
Ask your friend/colleague to think of their favorite book or film. Talk to them about it for about two minutes, finding out exactly what they like about it and how their choice reflects their character. At the end of the conversation, suggest another film or book which you think they might like, and tell them why you think they would like it. Finally, find out their reaction to your recommendation.

After you've done this, answer the questions in your Student book (18).

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Module 3I: Step 4: Be genuine

We saw in Resource 16 that at the beginning of the mentoring relationship the mentor shoulders most of the burden of control. It's up to the mentor to be there for the mentee, to remain calm and professional and refrain from expressing too many personal prejudices or harsh judgments. As a rule, you shouldn't express your personal opinion on something unless it's asked for by your mentee. However, mentors are only human, and mentees need to see this. Read Resource 18, which has some tips on being genuine.

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Module 3J: Activity 13: Genuine grins!

On the subject of genuineness, it's worth considering your own ability to detect genuineness in others. Your mentee may also be "putting on a brave face". It's worth knowing about some of the subtle signals which might suggest that they're keeping something back.

The links below takes you to some videos and a website which tests your ability to distinguish between real and fake smiles. As you watch the smiles, try and think about what determines your assessment of their genuineness. Is it eye contact, facial expression, or just instinct? Also, consider the differences others would see between your genuine and faked expressions.

Can you spot a fake smile? (in 59 seconds)

Can you spot a fake smile? (Seeker)

Beyond Real and Fake: 10 Types of Smiles and What They Mean

Visit the above websites and then answer the questions in your Student book (19).

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Module 3K: Step 5: Earn trust

Look again at the comparison between the relationship life cycle and the mentoring life cycle in Resource 15. Notice that there are certain stages of a personal relationship which are not appropriate until other stages have occurred. The timing of behaviors can be crucial in shaping the success of a relationship. A personal joke may be hilarious after two years of marriage, when a lot of trust and familiarity has built up, but may be downright offensive on a first date. Trust, and the behaviors it allows for, must be earned. As a mentor, you must not rush to give advice at the first opportunity. Your mentee is much more likely to take your advice seriously if you've earned the right to give it. Earning this right involves all the previous steps we have covered: making the first move, building rapport, getting acquainted and being genuine. If these are covered patiently and sensitively, then trust will build up in the relationship.

Here's a quick 1,2,3 summary of how to earn the right to give answers (adapted from David Maister et al).

1. understand the mentee's situation
2. understand how the mentee feels about the situation
3. convince the mentee of the previous two understandings

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Module 3L: Step 6: Show appreciation

A major threat to personal relationships, and to trust of any sort, is the feeling of being taken for granted. We all want to be appreciated for our efforts. Expressing an appropriate degree of appreciation is an excellent way to cement a relationship.
Appreciation doesn't mean phony flattery, it means well-thought-out, morale-boosting feedback. "You look nice" isn't always believable, but "That color really suits you" has a bit more credibility. To help you get the level right try the following Activity.

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Module 3M: Activity 14: Appreciation or flattery?

We've all been in a situation where we receive a compliment which seems a little half-hearted, or insincere. Perhaps the praise was a bit too gushing, you detected a hint of jealousy or scorn, or you could just tell that not much thought had gone into the words. Either way, you probably didn't end up feeling appreciated or being any closer to your "admirer". Use the questions in your Student book (20) to discover what makes an honest compliment work for the good of a relationship

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Module 3N: Task 4: Feedback on relationship building

It's now time to reflect on your learning in Module 3. Rather than the usual self-assessment, find a trusted colleague who's prepared to give you some feedback, then you can test your understanding and implementation of the six steps of relationship building.
Ask your trusted colleague to observe your relationship with a certain individual. It may be best to choose someone who you feel you do not know too well, or who you have not yet built up a strong relationship with. Perhaps someone new to the staff or someone you've just started working with more closely than before. During the course of a few meetings or interactions, ask your trusted colleague to make a few notes on how you implement each of the six steps of relationship building. Record this feedback in your Student book (21)

(Note: If you're unable to find a suitable observer, try this task as a self-assessment. Just record your relationship building progress in each of the six areas as honestly as possible in your Student book (21).

In either case, e-mail your comments to your instructor.

Module 3O: Congratulations

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Module 4: Keeping up the momentum and "letting go"
Module 4A: Intended learning outcomes for Module 4

By the end of this module you will:

• have increased your knowledge about motivation and the stages of mentoring
• understand the importance of keeping up the momentum while avoiding a dependency culture
• be able to "close' a program of mentoring in a positive and empowering manner

This module will help you come to terms with the difficult phase of mentoring when it's time to "say goodbye" and encourage you to reflect on your own feelings and those of the mentee. There will be opportunities to practice aspects of "closure" and "moving on" in a way that leaves both mentor and mentee in a positive frame of mind.

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Module 4B: Ending or beginning?

In Module 1 we looked at the notion of a mentoring life cycle.
Many courses on mentoring tend to focus on the early stages of mentoring. In motivational mentoring you, as the mentor, need to have a very clear objective. You must be able to keep the momentum up as your mentee develops, and be prepared to "let go" when it's appropriate to do so. If you can't do this, you can easily create a dependency, which isn't in anyone's best interests.

This module will help you to use what you've learned in this course in a real mentoring program. In particular, it will help you envisage and move towards an "end point". We'll go into more detail on how to maintain both your own and your mentee’s motivation, which will be crucial in moving the process along. A good way for you to think about this is that the end of the mentoring process should be the beginning of a successful period in your mentee's career.

Look again briefly at Resource 16. As you can see, by the end of the mentoring process, the mentee should be in control.

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Module 4C: Activity 15: Towards a vision

Max Landsberg, in his book "The Tao of Motivation", describes a "loop of motivation" or "VICTORY" cycle.
He says that motivation must begin with someone creating a Vision or direction for themselves.

They might need an Impetus for action. Landsberg then describes four distinct elements of the loop:

• Confidence
• Taking the plunge
• Outcomes
• Responding to feedback

At the heart of the cycle is You (i.e., the person needing motivation).

Have a look at Resource 19 which shows this victory cycle in picture form, and then work through the four elements in your Student book (22).

This will help you think through the stages for yourself, by developing a "mini vision" for your own job/situation. Understanding more about these stages of motivation will help you in your mentoring roles in future.

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Module 4D: The "E" triggers of motivational mentoring

Your role as a mentor will focus on supporting the mentee as they move from one element of their "Victory Cycle" to the next. You'll find ways to help them create some sort of goal or vision. You will help them build up their self-confidence. When they "take the plunge", you will be there to catch them should they fall. There may be times when you're the one person who's able to give them confidential feedback, or at least help them to interpret the feedback they receive from others. You will help them to keep up the momentum of the mentoring process.
You must always have a point in time in the future when you know that they will have enough self-confidence for you to "let go" and they can move forward on their own, or perhaps with another person acting as a mentor.

As you work with your mentee, you will also need to think about the type of things that will act as triggers to their self-motivation. One way of doing this is to keep in mind the "E" triggers for motivational mentoring.

Essentially, they can be described as anything you do that might:

• enthuse
• excite
• encourage
• empower

... the mentee to develop into a confident and competent professional.

The need to keep the momentum going and the mentor/mentee relationship lively, dynamic and interesting should be paramount.

The key to achieving motivational mentoring is for you to work out what the "motivational triggers" are for your mentee

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Module 4E: Task 5: Familiarization with the "E" triggers

This is more like a game than a Task. But it's quite a serious and professional "game" that needs some time and thought.
You will benefit from the help of two colleagues if that's possible to arrange. It will take you about 20 minutes to work through.

Now open Resource 20, which explains what you do.

When you've finished the Task, record your thoughts in your Student book (23).

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Module 4F: Activity 16: Bringing it all together

Resource 21 contains two examples of mentoring discussions, which are taking place between two heads towards the end of a mentoring program. The transcripts are "condensed" – a whole mentoring meeting would, of course, be longer.
The issue for the mentee is the same in both situations – a principal with a troublesome school board. However, the mentors in the two examples are very different.

This activity should help you see some of the material we've covered in Module 4 in a 'real' mentoring context. It's also an opportunity for you to bring together what you have learned from previous modules.

So now read Resource 21, then answer the questions in your Student book (24).

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Module 4G: Goodbye

Ideally, you'd say "Goodbye" to your mentee when they've reached the independent learning stage and no longer need regular contact with you as a mentor. In reality, there are other reasons why the mentoring relationship must end:

• The "official" support program has finished (often they last for one year)
• The funding has finished
• The mentee or mentor leaves their job, creating practical difficulties for regular meetings
• The mentoring relationship has simply ground to a halt

Whatever the reason it's much better to plan for a final meeting than to let it fade away or drag on for too long.

As a mentor you need to plan the last session in a way that will allow the mentee to be positive about the future. For most people, there's a degree of sadness and regret at the ending of an effective mentoring relationship. You can reduce any disappointment by planning ahead and ensuring that there are no surprises at the last mentoring meeting.

Notice that we're talking all the time about the mentoring relationship. Nobody is suggesting that you should cut yourself off entirely from your mentee. Ongoing friendships can often arise from mentoring. No problem. The main thing to remember is that your work as a mentor is only successful if your mentee has become confident and self-motivated enough to deal with most problems and issues on their own.

The next Activity will help you think more about letting go and saying goodbye

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Module 4H: Activity 17: A final mentoring meeting

Preparation and planning should be carried out before the final mentoring meeting takes place.
Read Resource 22 for some advice on this.

Then go to your Student book (25) to make some notes.

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Module 4I: Activity 18: An overview

It's time to reflect on the whole course.
Your Student book (26) contains some questions that will help you review your learning from this course and set some personal goals for the future. Then e-mail your comments to your instructor.

This is also a final opportunity to share your thoughts with any colleagues who have also been engaging with this course either formally as a participant or simply as a willing helper for some of the Activities and Tasks!

Module 4J: Congratulations

RESOURCES

Resource 1: Coaching or mentoring?

A coach... A motivational mentor...
Knows the science of coaching. Understands the art of mentoring.

Is primarily concerned with performance. Is primarily concerned with the person.

Relies on the skills of coaching. Uses the skills of coaching and the behaviors of mentoring.

Often has a senior manager who may increase the pressure to get results. Operates with less pressure and is able to 'stand back' when necessary.
Suggests ideas to a 'subordinate'. Coaches, mentors, advises, counsels, supports and facilitates the learning of the mentee who is often an 'equal'.
Is more explicit about goals. Ensures learning is implicit.

Usually focuses on the short-term. Usually has a longer-term focus.

Helps the coachee acquire skills. Helps the mentee to develop positive attitude and greater wisdom.

"Mentoring goes further [than coaching] in offering support and advice to someone as a person and may touch on any aspect of their life. The mentor may offer coaching or training from time to time as appropriate, but may also encourage the mentee to seek help from specialists in these roles."

(Alred, Garvey and Smith, 1998)

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Resource 2: Attitude
The following quote is from Strengthening Your Grip by Charles Swindoll:
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.

It will make or break a company… a school… a home.

The remarkable thing is, we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the past…we cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you, we are in charge of our attitudes!" (p23)

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Resource 3: CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD

Resource 4: Telephone conversation
Below is the script from a preliminary telephone conversation between a mentor and mentee before the start of any formal process.

Mentor: Hi there. Just calling to fix a time for our first mentoring session, which we agreed would be next week some time.

Mentee: Right… yes…I had remembered that was coming up soon.

Mentor: What day would be best for you?

Mentee: Well I'm up to my ears at the moment sorting out a complaint from a parent but hopefully things will have settled down by… say Wednesday. Is that ok for you?

Mentor: Wednesday should be fine. Did we agree that hour-long sessions would be best for both of us?

Mentee: Yes.

Mentor: I've got some time around two o'clock. How's that?

Mentee: Two's good for me.

Mentor: Now, if we start off with a session every two weeks and then, hopefully, reduce the frequency as we get towards the end of the program. Officially, the program we're doing together lasts up to a year.

Mentee: That's good, I feel like I need quite regular support at the moment!

Mentor: Okay. We'll start with a general session exploring what you hope to get out of the mentoring process, your aims and objectives etc. Do you feel able to give me a brief idea of some of your most pressing issues at the moment?

Mentee: Okay, well there's this complaint… that's been a nasty business but it's hopefully coming to a close. My next big hurdle, which I'd like to discuss with you, is recruiting a math teacher in time for next term.

Mentor: Right, that's really helpful - gives me something to think about. I hope the next few days go okay, it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. I don't want you to think of this session as another pressure. It'll be quite relaxed - just a confidential chat over a cup of coffee.

Mentee: Sounds good.

Mentor: I'm happy to come to your office if that suits you. Or do we need to find somewhere where we're less likely to be disturbed?

Mentee: No my office will be fine. Two o'clock Wednesday then.

Mentor: I'll look forward to it. Bye for now.

Mentee: Bye.

Resource 5: CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD

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Resource 6: Skills and characteristics
Skills are the behaviors that you choose to use when interacting with your mentee. Let's take the simple example of smiling. You may have found out that people are often more willing to hear your message if your facial expression is friendly and relaxed. You can practice this skill until you get good at it. When you become good at it, you use it 'naturally' and after a while you hardly need to think about it.
Characteristics are more about the type of person that you actually are, than the things that you do. Some people are just naturally friendly and tend to smile a lot. They always have done, and probably always will. They never really think about it, they just do it. Sometimes it backfires on them. People can think that they're flippant or even shallow because they go around with an almost permanent smile on their face. However, smiling is part of their character and they never have to work at it too much.

From an outsider's point of view it can be difficult to tell if someone is acting "naturally" or is presenting a well-practiced set of skills. (We'll come back to genuineness, and to smiling, in Module 3 when we explore relationship building.)

As a mentor, you will have many natural characteristics that will help your mentee to become motivated. You may also have a few characteristics that could hinder the mentoring relationship. This is where some self-review and personal skill development will make all the difference.

Another example, which we will look at in this module, is listening. Listening is a very important skill for a mentor to have. However, just developing a basic skill of listening, is not enough on its own. You have to want to really hear what people are saying and therefore having the personal characteristics of being a good listener are as important, if not more important, than merely knowing about listening skills.

The first part of this module will help you think about the key skills of motivational mentoring. Later we'll encourage you to "go below the surface" to think about how you can build on those skills and develop your own effective mentoring characteristics.

Resource 7: CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD

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Resource 8: CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD

Resource 9: Vias
Here are some "vias" to look out for:

Speech vias:

• Sentence shape (speaking with similar patterns of verbs, nouns, etc.)
• Dropping the "energy" levels
• Speeding up
• Braking, or slowing down very quickly
• Dragging out the sounds of individual words

Visual vias:

• Raising eyebrows
• Tilting the head
• Tapping/Fidgeting
• Balancing/Dancing on the spot
• Giggling
• Playing with hair/beard/etc.
• By looking and listening actively, you can unravel the meaning behind confusing vias.

First, you must be fully attentive and responsive. To engage the speaker, you may want to employ the following techniques of active listening:

Paraphrasing (re-stating small sections of the other person's dialogue)
Reflecting feelings (based on some evidence, not just your own feelings)
Open questions (to get the person to talk more freely)
Summarizing (an essential mentoring skill)
The section later in the module on 'Effective questioning' will elaborate some of these techniques. Active listening helps you to make tentative judgments about your mentee's confidence and commitment, as well as their competence and knowledge.

You should also consider the effect of your own body language, non-verbal signals, vias, etc. in terms of the impact you have as a mentor.

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Resource 10: Effective questioning
First, we need to consider what we're trying to achieve in our questioning. Questions fulfill the following purposes:

• Obtain information
• Generate new ideas and ways of thinking
• Find out more about details
• Verify existing information
• Clarify the intentions of the speaker
• Contribute to the active listening process

Open questions, such as:

• What...
• How...
• Why...

are often more useful than closed questions such as:

• Has...
• Is...
• Did...

which can lead to a brief "yes" or "no" answer. Closed answers are rarely sufficient to fulfill any of the purposes above. Leading questions can also be unhelpful, as they can bias communication (e.g., 'You felt unhappy about that didn't you?'). There are several other recognizable forms of questioning.

Probing – "You mentioned X, what do you think of Y?"
Reflecting – "You sound really..."
Summarizing – "So, if I understand you correctly...?" (NB: lack of leading assumption.)
Multiple – "Tell me again about what happened, how you were feeling and just exactly who was there?"
Hypothetical – "What might have happened if you had...?"

As a mentor, you should consider which style of questioning is suitable for particular situations. For example, probing is a good way to encourage a mentee to open up. Hypothetical questioning is more effective in generating new ways of thinking than in obtaining information. Summarizing is a useful way of tying together key points and focusing conclusions (more on summarizing coming up).

As part of the questioning/listening process you should be aware of the effect of your questioning on the answers you glean. This will allow you to tailor your questioning to specific situations.

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Resource 11: CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD

Resource 12: CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD

Resource 13: CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD

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Resource 14: Your use of the behaviors
It's not easy to assess how you come across to other people… but well done for trying!
Try and check out your own notes with a trusted colleague. You might want to ask them to complete the activity from their own perspective of you. They must promise to be as honest as possible and you must promise not to react badly to their honest opinions!

Pat yourself on the back if you (and your colleague) feel that you frequently use 2, 3, 4, 7 and 9.

In your mentoring role, it will be best to avoid showing 1, 5, 6 and 8. Be cautious with the use of 10 – you're a mentor not a counselor.

Student Book 15: What have you learned? Evaluation of your learning from Module 2
Describe the extent to which you've achieved these learning outcomes, including any action you'll have to take in the future.

I know about the key skills of motivational mentors including: active listening, effective questioning and summarizing

I understand that in addition to skills development, a motivational mentor must develop their own characteristics.

I'm able to develop my own skills and consider my personal attitude towards the development of other people.

Jot down any other thoughts, ideas or reflections below.

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Resource 15: CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD

Resource 16: CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD

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Resource 17: Physical matching and speech mirroring
Physical matching is a powerful form of rapport building. People who like each other often match each other's body language and behavior. Again, this is common in a romantic "flirting" context. In any situation, aligning your body in a similar fashion to the person you're talking to is a good way to subliminally signal that you like and value this person and are interested in what they have to say.
Spoken language can also be used as a subtle rapport builder. We're more likely to accept people who are like ourselves. Entering your mentee's verbal world, by matching their form of speech, their tone and inflection, can draw them closer to you.

Rapport comes naturally to most of us in social situations, and hopefully it will come naturally to you in your mentoring. However, it will help to be conscious of how rapport can be built and reinforced in a relationship. You may well be slightly nervous in the early stages of the relationship, so you should try to ensure that your body language and tone of voice don't make you appear aloof or 'clinical'. Your non-verbal signals will influence how willing your mentee is to trust and confide in you.

Note: Don't go over the top with these techniques. You don't want your mentee to think you're mimicking or teasing them. It may be better to test out the right level of physical matching and speech mirroring on a trusted, good-humored friend or partner before you begin to use it deliberately in your mentoring.

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Resource 18: Be genuine
As a mentor, if you're not open and honest then you can't expect openness and honesty from the mentee. It may be natural for someone who's used to a teaching or leadership role to put up a professional facade. It can be damaging to the mentoring relationship, however, if your mentee begins to view you as infallible and unfeeling. Consistency, honesty and openness in your relationship is one of the best ways to build trust.
While you must retain a level of professional wisdom, there's no need to deprive your mentee of your personality, your emotions and, where appropriate, your opinions. It's a difficult balance. You don't want to overload conversations with your own woes, but equally you don't need to hide them altogether.
A term used in the world of counseling is "immediacy". It's used when the counselor needs to express their own feelings about the session that's taking place. It's used rarely and only with great sensitivity towards the client's own feelings. But it can be useful to "break the ice' or simply move things on when something of an impasse has been reached. An example might be, "I don't know exactly how you are feeling but my brain is getting tired! In order to make the most of this session, I would really appreciate a 10 minute break. Would that be OK with you?"
This sort of statement would demonstrate your genuineness... and that you're only human.

Resource 19: CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD

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Resource 20: The "E" triggers game
1) Find two colleagues and explain to them about this course (if they don't already know). Ask them if they would help you with a short task.
2) Find a quiet place as you will need to respect the confidentiality of this process.

3) Write the names of four other people (who are known by all of you) on separate pieces of paper. Fold the pieces of paper and put the names into a hat. The names could be other members of staff, the support staff, classroom assistant, administrator, etc. They don't have to be "well" known by all of you, just known. Don't pick a really unpopular person as things may get out of hand!

4) Now draw one name at a time and you (and your colleagues) have to write down four sentences for each person that you might say to them (as if you were their mentor) in order to:

• help them feel enthusiastic about a current initiative or project
• make them feel really excited about the future
• give them encouragement by praising something that you knew they had achieved
• build their confidence in such a way that they would feel empowered to do something on their own

5) Spend a few minutes comparing the sentences and discussing the reasons why they might appeal to the "imaginary mentees". As you do so, it might be helpful for you to jot down those triggers that you think would be most successful for the "mentee".

6) Thank your colleagues for their help and record your thoughts in your Student book (23) as soon as you can.

Resource 21: CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD

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Resource 22: The final meeting

There should be three approaches to this.

1) The mentor should:
- look back and think about the mentee's original objectives
- think about what has been achieved by the mentee
- reflect on the problems that were encountered by the mentee
- recall any surprises the mentee had to cope with
- ensure the final meeting includes a celebration of successes
2) The mentee should:
- look forward and recognize that the last mentoring session is a new beginning
- create new visions/goals for where they want to be in future
- think about the steps for reaching these without the mentor
- consider who else might be available to offer support when needed
3) Before the final meeting, both mentor and mentee should also:
- review the mentoring process itself
- prepare to give each other positive feedback and constructive criticism on roles
- share their own learning and what they have learned from the other person
- comment on what has helped and what has hindered
- remember to say "thank you" at the final meeting!

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BIBLIOGRAPHY

Author:Angi Malderez and Caroline Bodoczky
Title:Mentor Courses (1999)
Publisher:Cambridge Teacher Training & Development
ISBN:0521566908

Author:Daniel Goleman
Title:Emotional Intelligence (1996)
Publisher:Bloomsbury
ISBN:0747528306

Author:David Maister, Charles Green and Robert Galford
Title:The Trusted Advisor (2002)
Publisher:The Free Press
ISBN:0743207769

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Author:David McClelland
Title:Human Motivation (1988)
Publisher:Cambridge University Press
ISBN:0521369517

Author:Max Eggert
Title:Perfect Counselling (2003)
Publisher:Random House Business Books
ISBN:1844131564

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Author:Max Landsberg
Title:The Tao of Motivation (2003)
Publisher:Profile Books
ISBN:1861976550

Author: Mike Pegg
Title: The Art of Mentoring (2000)
Publisher: Management Books Ltd
ISBN: 18522522720

Author: Swindoll CR
Title: Strengthening Your Grip (1990)
Publisher: Word Books
ISBN: 0849932157

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REFERENCES

Name: The Goal-Setting Guide
Description: A site containing a useful overview article on Motivation Theory.
URL: http: www.goal-setting-guide.com/motivation-theory.html

Name: ASCD
Description: An article by the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development that discusses the best methods for approaching mentoring.
URL: https://www.ascd.org/el/articles/ten-ways-to-make-mentoring-work

Name: Can You Spot A Fake Smile? 
Description: A video by Seeker on the difference in meaning between a genuine and fake smile.
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-lSQj-gswQ

Name: Can you spot a fake smile?
Description: A video by In59seconds that teaches a main tell between real and fake smiles. 
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SqlilB1w3g

Name: Beyond Real and Fake: 10 Types of Smiles and What They Mean
Description: An article by Healthline that discusses various types of smiles.
URL: https://www.healthline.com/health/types-of-smiles

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